what to do
2003-01-30 - 9:03 a.m.
I'm playing hooky today. The house is a complete disaster, and Nora's having friends over right after school tomorrow. Plus, I'm sort of exhausted.
Too many things to do, both at home and at work. Ugh.
Plus, it's freezing! Well, it isn't, but it's cold here. In the house, at least.
Anyway, I have three things to say.
1. I had an interesting conversation with Nora last night. In general, she is not at all a talkative kid. But every once in a while, and ALWAYS right when I'm trying to get her to bed, she wants to have a conversation, and then I'm always to crabby to participate, which is too bad.
Anyway -- she wanted to talk about how she wasn' t very good at anything. She's played soccer for years, and she's not very good at it. She's not good at basketball. She's not good at art. She's not good at swimming.
And then i'm thrown for a loop. Part of it's true -- she's not all that good at soccer, but it's partly her own choice. Some days she is good at it. She actually is good at art, but doesn't believe that she is. She could be good at swimming, if she worked at it.
I mean, it's partly the thing I feel about myself, and most people, probably -- I'm good enough at all kinds of things, but I don't have the kind of burning passion to do -- something or other.
And then i feel like I'm a terrible role model. And then I feel like I ought to reorganize my entire life. And then I feel like there's way too much emphasis on what you DO. I mean, not everyone is going to be a professional basketball player, but we can all enjoy playing basketball.
I mean, really, I think my ambition in life has always been to have a reasonable life -- by which I mean, I guess, a life where just daily life is interesting enough. And I'm afraid we've gotten sucked up into this life where it all feels oppressive.
Not sure where to go with this, but it's troubling.
2. Summer. I think -- I think it's all going to work out. We'll send the kids ahead. If we don't go to Ireland (which is looking unlikely) maybe we can use that week instead to go to Pittsburgh (where Kevin grew up and his brother now lives) and New York. Actually, that would be a fun trip.
3. Reading. Okay -- Somehow I've been led on this merry trail, and I'm now reading a book by Caitlin Kiernan called Silk. It's a good book, but very dark. And creepy. Hmmm.
--Going back to the Nora thing. I think part of it all boils down to the old work/family thing. Really, I do think I would have enough to do if i stayed home and didn't work. Life would be more manageable for all of us. Would I have been bored? I don't know -- from whre it looks here, I think not. But it wouold have been hard to convince kevin, for instance, that it would have been okay for the girls to go to preschool, or to let me have a night off now and then.
I don't know --
Okay, then --
here's Lucy. I think she wants to come up here.
Ah, no -- well anyway, I'm off.
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