2006-11-09 - 11:10 a.m.
Okay, so I feel semi human again.
Also, the holidays are coming!
In a way, it was good to get away because I do feel somewhat better able to finally move in.
It was actually okay re: family strife. I think it actually helped having my sisters along -- I was not the only one who had to take care of my mother. In fact, the sister who constantly worries about illness was great for that. Also, it helped being on a tour because there were other people to cause distractions, plus, we did not have to really make any decisions. So if I wanted to go wander off, it was okay. Also, there were other dramas for my mother to cling to -- the annoying man; the woman with Altzheimers who should never have come in the first place and how to get her home. I think it was nice for my sisters -- they don't often get a chance to spend time with each other away from their families, and my middle sister craves this above everything.
I don't know -- possibly I have come to some resolution about my family -- it's completely weird, and there it is. It is what it is (the new phrase of the year).
Also, it really was a treat for me to be away -- I know it was hard on the kids, and also on K., but it was also probably good for them to survive on their own. And I really do feel a bit reinvigorated about making the final push to move in.
Also, although the trip was full of old ladies from my mother's town, it's the sort of New England town that actually has sort of interesting old ladies -- they're sailors; they read books; their children are fairly interesting; they play poker; they're all smart. So in a way, it was kind of nice to hear them reflecting on their lives. Also, it was nice that, since they're New Englanders, they didn't go on and on about it, either. My mother really could take a tip or two from them on how to move on, now that my stepfather has died, and live her life. But I wonder if she will -- I wonder if she'll really feel like making friends with them. She's joined the book group, but I doubt she'll join the poker group, and a lot of them have been friends for many many years. She'll need to find some friends in the town that she'd feel comfortable going on a trip like this alone with. That may happen, but I don't know for sure that it will.
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