Here you have it --

2007-10-19 - 10:42 a.m.

Hmmm.

In this entry, I should apologize to Catie for saying bad things about California. I am sorry about saying bad things about California. I can appreciate California. It is a very beautiful state. It may just be as simple as for me, the vegetation is all wrong. I haven't adapted, really, and that's me, not it. I'm sure that for other people the allure of Rhode Island, where coffee milk is widely available, people speak with an odd sort of accent, and the ruins of textile mills dot the landscape, is not strong at all. But to me, it's the loveliest thing in the world.

And I should answer freshhell's comment about my comments about my mother.
My somewhat strained relationship with my mother (i.e., the fact that she drives me crazy) does worry me a lot, given the fact that I have two daughters. My mother used to get off the phone in tears after speaking with her mother. I think it was because my mother always wanted some complicated thing from my grandmother (probably her fully focused attention) that my grandmother was just completely unwilling to give.

So I resolved that I would not have such a ridiculous relationship with my mother, and in fact, I don't. She does drive me crazy, but I think I'm pretty good at limiting it to when she comes to visit. (Why do you think I live in California?)I really think I'm getting even better at it. It was important to me that my kids know their grandparents and cousins, etc., so we've always spend summer vacations with family. And I do try to call her about three weekends a month (this because the idea of N never calling me breaks my heart, so I'm modelling good behavior here.) So I haven't cut her off, but I have managed her as much as I can.

And the visits there are generally fine -- she's occupied with her own life, and is happy to just have me there. Although she does have a tendency to set up activities with her friends for me -- kayaking with her friend R., sailing with her friend C. -- but those things are generally bearable. I have managed to prevent her setting up things for the kids with grandchildren of her friends -- I cannot have her torturing the kids. (This all sounds so innocuous, but there is an overtone of snobbiness that I can't quite convey. This is one thing about her that drives me crazy.)

Anyway, I want to make completely sure that my poor children are not as oppressed by me as I am by her. I do torture them. I do clean up N's room when she's not around (because it's a mess!) and pester M to practice the piano. But mostly I don't.

But whereas Freshhell thinks her mother may be jealous of her, I actually think my mother may be jealous of my kids. I'd be happy if she'd come to visit and want to hang out with them. But that's not what she's after. She's after my undivided attention. She's after adult time where we sit around before dinner and have a cocktail hour. (Let me explain how that's impossible in my house -- I get home at 6. We need to eat right away. Which means I have to cook something. Where is the time for this "adult time?") This is why it's such a pain to have her visit -- she can't just fit in. She needs to stick out.

I think that's what she's always wanted from my grandmother (who is, in fact, a difficult woman) and from me -- total attention.

I do love her, and there are many wonderful things about her, and she can be generous (in her fashion), and she was fun to grow up with -- especially in the summers, when she would actually pay attention to us -- But she's not the easiest person in the world.

There you have it --

out of print - new releases

find me! - 2008-02-12
where I've gone - 2008-02-07
Where I've gone - 2008-02-05
where I've gone - 2008-02-01
New - 2008-02-01