2003-06-20 - 10:22 a.m.
So, it's my birthday.
Oddly enough, I got my period today, and then in the car, the dj played an extended set about getting old.
I'm 44, and it's pretty unlikely that I'll ever be pregnant again. Well, for more than a week, I mean.
It's strange than that's such a big deal for me. I mean, if you think about it, you could potentially have children from about 15 to 40, so that's 25 years of your life, and you live another 50 outside of that. So numerically, it's not even most of your life. But I realize that, to me, that's sort of the definition of being old.
If I'd known I felt this way, or that I really would not be able to have children past 40 (I don't think I actually did know that until it was too late) I would have made more of my childbearing years. I think I would have had kids earlier, actually.
Anyway -- it's not the end of the world. I have two kids, for crying out loud, and I am actually thinking about adoption as a possibility.
But I probably would have done things differently, had I known.
But then, it makes you look at the rest of your life differently, too. I mean, in actually fact I'm not so old. It means I have to sort of arrange that, somehow. What do I want to do with the next 20 years? I don't want to make the same mistake twice, and wait too long to start.
In other news --
an old friend of mine just called. She lives in Vermont, now, and I haven't seen her for 10 years, I think. Amazing.
Nora has now decided to listen to the local college station, which is actually pretty good. It's making our commutes more fun, plus I think it's educational. Strangely, it's less focused on sex and drugs than the regular commercial station. That can only be a good thing.
She wants to play the drums, now. Maybe that's a good thing.
Okay -- got to go --
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